Is this the year the world ends??

Tim read me a tweet yesterday that said (and I’m paraphrasing): “If the Mayans could tell the future, then there would still be Mayans!”

I thought it was clever!  It made me giggle with all the talk of this year being the end of the world. (For the record, I don’t think the world will end in December)

I’ve been trying to get excited for the new year, fresh starts, putting the past behind, looking forward to what is to come.  But I don’t feel any fireworks for 2012.  It could be the pregnancy exhaustion, I won’t rule that out.  But I just don’t have it.

2011 was a hard year.  NOT as hard as 2010 was….PRAISE GOD!  But certainly not an easy year either.  Looking back, I think I kinda feel like we floated aimlessly through it, just surviving day by day.  Not that the year was wasted at all, just….aimless mush.

I don’t like being aimless!  It bothers me.  QUITE. A. BIT!!

I don’t necessarily have to have everything planned out, but I like to have a direction.  Even a vague goal to work toward, something to anchor to.

And it’s been a long time since I have felt like I/we have had that.

And I don’t feel like I have that for 2012 either.  I think that is part of my “new year’s funk”.  I still don’t feel any direction or goal we’re working towards.

Now, of course, BIG things are going to happen in 2012!  Baby Bubbles will be born in 5.5 weeks or less {GULP!}, she will have open heart surgery {DOUBLE GULP!}, Caleb will start school ALL day EVERY day in the fall {TRIPLE GULP!}…..but I don’t feel like any of that gives me the direction I feel like I’m missing.

And I know this just means more prayer, more listening, more waiting….but it leaves me in a bit of a “new year’s funk” I wasn’t anticipating.  When God is ready, and I’m ready for Him to show me what I am to do, I know He will do it.  And maybe, for now, it’s simply being a mom and that is the only direction or goal I am to have right now.

And that is quite a responsibility…one I don’t feel equipped for!  Hopefully this crazy love I have for Caleb and Bubbles will be enough to get us through until I can figure out how to do this mommy thing!

But I can’t shake this nagging longing for more.  Maybe I’m being selfish wanting more when I have so much right in my midst.  I don’t know.  I’ll have to figure that out I guess.

But, in the mean time, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!  Let’s see if those Mayans knew anything, or if the guy responsible for counting the days just got bored and stopped at 2012!! 

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