I think in pictures

question mark splatterSo, with all that is going on with church right now, BIG transition, BIG BIG questions, lots of unknowns, I am fighting off stress and anxiety.  It doesn’t overtake me, but I have to be very aware of it and deal with it right away.

So, last night I was on my way to my LTG and as I was driving I wanted to turn on the radio, and just really felt like I should leave it off and pray.  Mind you, it’s a short drive, but some time nonetheless.  This has been happening to me more and more lately, and I don’t like it.  I love music!  I love singing in the car!  But I just really feel like there are times when I have to use those few moments of quiet and ALONE time to pray.

So, I was talking to God and telling Him I’m feeling this anxiety, this stress and I don’t want to hang on to it.  I want to give it to Him because when I keep it, it leads to nothing but badness.  So, I tend to think  in images.  I pictured giving this stress and this huge unknown future stuff to God and placing it in His big hands.  And then I saw His hands closing around the “thing” I gave Him so that I can’t see it anymore.  And then I saw Him turn around.  Not turning His back on me, but turning around so I couldn’t see what He was doing with “it”.  And that’s when I said, “See, that’s why I don’t like giving you stuff because then I can’t see what You’re doing and I don’t know WHAT You’re doing and how it will turn out!”

And then, it was almost like I heard God say to me, “But when have I ever not given it back to you better than when you gave it me?  When have I ever not made it better than you could have imagined when I gave it back?”

UGH!  I hate it when He’s right!

So then I proceeded to say, “But it takes you SO LONG sometimes to give it back!!!  You work too slow!”

And then He just said again, in His soft loving, non-annoyed voice, “But when have I ever not given it back to you better than what you gave me?”

So, that’s my story.  That’s where I am right now.  Trying to live in that, trust that, be thankful for that.

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