So, with all that is going on with church right now, BIG transition, BIG BIG questions, lots of unknowns, I am fighting off stress and anxiety. It doesn’t overtake me, but I have to be very aware of it and deal with it right away.
So, last night I was on my way to my LTG and as I was driving I wanted to turn on the radio, and just really felt like I should leave it off and pray. Mind you, it’s a short drive, but some time nonetheless. This has been happening to me more and more lately, and I don’t like it. I love music! I love singing in the car! But I just really feel like there are times when I have to use those few moments of quiet and ALONE time to pray.
So, I was talking to God and telling Him I’m feeling this anxiety, this stress and I don’t want to hang on to it. I want to give it to Him because when I keep it, it leads to nothing but badness. So, I tend to think in images. I pictured giving this stress and this huge unknown future stuff to God and placing it in His big hands. And then I saw His hands closing around the “thing” I gave Him so that I can’t see it anymore. And then I saw Him turn around. Not turning His back on me, but turning around so I couldn’t see what He was doing with “it”. And that’s when I said, “See, that’s why I don’t like giving you stuff because then I can’t see what You’re doing and I don’t know WHAT You’re doing and how it will turn out!”
And then, it was almost like I heard God say to me, “But when have I ever not given it back to you better than when you gave it me? When have I ever not made it better than you could have imagined when I gave it back?”
UGH! I hate it when He’s right!
So then I proceeded to say, “But it takes you SO LONG sometimes to give it back!!! You work too slow!”
And then He just said again, in His soft loving, non-annoyed voice, “But when have I ever not given it back to you better than what you gave me?”
So, that’s my story. That’s where I am right now. Trying to live in that, trust that, be thankful for that.