It tastes bad in my mouth

That’s what I think of calling myself a “Pastor’s Wife”.  I have had a very adverse reaction to that label of myself.  But I think I might be willing to start accepting it.

The main reason I have not wanted that label is because I am not just a Pastor’s WIFE, I am a Pastor.  I work for the church, I do Pastoring duties (counseling, shepherding, etc) as well as a lot of other responsibilities.  Tim and I make decisions about the church together.  We work together on many aspects of the church right now.

So, I take it as an insult to be called the “Pastor’s Wife”.

I have been following a few blogs and met some wonderful ladies at a “Virtual Roundtable”.  They are all Pastor’s Wives.  I, honestly, had a hard time even participating in these “Virtual Roundtables” a little bit because I didn’t want my role to be looked at as just the Pastor’s Wife.

But, this thought is very, very slowly starting to seep into my brain and heart: I AM a Pastor’s wife.  I am married to a Pastor.  I am a wife.  That means that I am a Pastor’s Wife.

That doesn’t have to negate the other things I do.  It is just one of the responsibilities I DO have.

So, what does that mean?  What does that look like?  To be a Pastor’s Wife, but also a Pastor?

Well, that is much more complicated.  It means a tough job of balancing life!  And it is something that Tim and I are trying to muddle through and work out.  I don’t have all the answers or the road well mapped out.  But we are trying to figure it out so we can be the best we can for each other first – even before the church!

I have to remember, and cherish, that I am the only wife Tim has.  The church can have other leaders, but Tim cannot have other wives.  That role is unique to me ONLY!  I have to take care of that role.  Proverbs 31 states that this woman had a business, and she was good at it.  But she was praised for her role as wife and mother.

Tim and I are working hard at carving out time to be attentive to one another.  After Caleb is asleep, we put church stuff aside for a time and just be together.  I know this sounds so “well, duh!”, but this is hard for me to do sometimes.  I can be a workaholic, especially when I love what I do!  But I love my marriage more, and we need to do this.  We are being much more intentional with words, hugs, etc. so that we take care of this relationship.  The church can be gone one day, but this relationship will last until we die.  We MUST take care of it.

My role of Pastor’s WIFE is important.  I gotta take care of my man!

So, for now, that title of “Pastor’s Wife” is starting to not taste so bad in my mouth.  I’m working on it.

I know, I’m messed up!  But I never told you I had it all together!

What label of yours, whether given to you by someone else or by yourself, tastes bad in your mouth?


5 thoughts on “It tastes bad in my mouth

  1. The biggest one that comes to mind is “The Baby Girl.” I’m the baby girl of the family and everyone is stuck on on that phrase. I’m 18. That means I’m young, not a baby!

    But I’ve learned a lot of how that’s a nice position to be in, just this year. My parents look at me completely differently than the first few kids. They trust me differently and want special things for me. Plus, I get to take my time with school and courting– all my other sisters moved out right away into a serious relationship they were in (unhappily) for too many years!! They all have had to go back to school for college after the fact, too.

    I’m okay being the youngest girl, but maybe not the baby.

  2. I am going to blog about this soon – but you raise an interesting point. I have given up using the title “pastor” because church culture has created something about those who are “pastors” that isn’t necessarily true. In any church over 50-75 people, the “pastor” truly can’t “pastor” everyone. So it has to be where people with shepherding (pastoring) gifts in the church do pastoring (as they should if God has gifted them with pastoring gifts). But when we use titles, there are expectations that occur. Our church never uses the term “pastors wife” as she is a wife and mom just like everyone else – whose husbands are out serving roles in the Kingdom on mission (no matter what vocation they have) and my wife serves God using her gifts in the church. But it isn’t because she is the “pastors wife” she serves using the gifts God has given her. There is no spiritual gift of “pastors wife”.

    Of course there are stresses and things that the leaders of a church do have that are distinct. So I don’t want to understate that. But titles are so funny and how we end up using them. Your blog post was striking on something I have been also thinking about, so wanted to say hello and share some thoughts. Thanks for writing it!

    • Thank you so much for your comment! It helps me to continue this process of working through this in my head. I really agree with you as well, i hate titles. It is so beautiful when people simply serve the way God is calling them to no matter what position or title is there.

      Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading your thoughts as well!! 🙂

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