Well, in my last post I said I knew every day wouldn’t be like day 2, but WOW!
Days 3-5 have been interesting. Remember, I have never done a 21 day fast like this, so all this is new for me. I don’t have anything to compare it to.
Some words to describe how I’m feeling and what I’m experiencing:
- Emotional (yes, EVEN more than normal!)
- More sensitive (I’ve been crying EVEN easier than usual!)
- Overwhelmed but NOT crushed
- Hungry (a given)
This time of fasting is useless without prayer. Then it’s just a diet, and I DON’T diet! So, prayer has been incredibly important. There is so much to pray for, so much to listen to God for!
But I am experiencing a silence from God. Unlike other times in my life this silence is not accompanied by feelings of despair or anger at God. There is some peace in this silence sprinkled with moments of frustration.
I have shared this with a couple people and they are experiencing the same thing during this time. So, I’m guessing it’s “normal”. My theory is that since this time is SET ASIDE to seek God, I have to do that. When you look for something you don’t find it right away…or else you wouldn’t be looking for it!
You know when you lose something that you need so badly. Maybe it’s your wedding ring, or your keys or a flash drive with a file you just HAVE to have NOW….whatever it is. You are FRANTIC when looking for it. You can’t move on to whatever else you have to do until you find this item! You run around turning everything in your house over looking for it, then you might stop, breathe, think really hard about the last time you had it, then go back to frantically looking everywhere for it! The stress is building up! You are running through the scenarios if you DON’T find this item! Can I get a new wedding ring? Do we have a spare key so I’m not late? How could I recreate that file on the flash drive? Which just presses you to look harder and more stress!
Then….YOU FIND IT!
The sense of relief is intense! You are SO happy to have found it! You may even kiss it! Life is good again, the earth can start spinning again!
I wonder if that’s how this fast is going to be. I am seeking God right now. I thought He would be talking to me A LOT more than He is. I thought we’d be having these amazing times of conversation. But He seems quiet. But I KNOW He’s still there.
Maybe He wants me to keep looking. Look harder. Turn over some things in my life in order to find Him. Throw some things away. Get the clutter out so I can find Him. Am I REALLY serious about finding Him? Do I REALLY want to find Him…or will I just figure out a way to do life without?
I need to keep at it. Be faithful. Do the WORK.
Then, when He reveals Himself, His plan, His work, it will be SO much more amazing! I will appreciate it more! If it were easy, the value may be less.
God, give us the strength to seek You, to do what You ask, to be what You ask, to be still and know that You are God.