I have had to deal with, to me, some DIFFICULT forgiveness in my life. They were painful and so very hard to do. Like giant heavy walls I had to let God help me break through. But I had to make the choice to submit to God, to remember that He died for me JUST like He did for these other people.
I had to forgive the men who murdered my dad.
I had to forgive my step-mother for not allowing my sister and I to attend our own father’s wake and funeral.
Those were SO hard to forgive.
This one is right up there.
On January 19, 2010, Tim confessed to me that he had an affair in the fall. There are not even words to describe the shock, pain and bewilderment that this happened.
And yet, I have to forgive him. Let me assure you, I have not been able to do that yet! But I know I have to.
I’m ashamed to admit this, but it angers me that God has and is giving him grace for this. I know, that sounds terrible, but it’s how I feel.
And I’m conflicted because I KNOW what the Bible says about forgiveness. Jesus gave us many examples of His forgiveness. I know that God has forgiven me for my multitude of sins, so therefore I need to forgive others…even Tim for this.
I know that forgiveness does not mean I am saying it is all ok. I know that NOT forgiving only holds me back and gets between me and God.
I believe I will get there. But right now it feels impossible.
But I know God is bigger than this. He is bigger than my FEELINGS (which change with the wind). He is big enough to handle my unforgiveness right now and lovingly keep pushing me toward forgiveness. He will be big enough to give me the strength to forgive.
What about you? Has it been tough for you to forgive before?