I’ve been trying to think of what to write here. Writing here has been helpful, even therapeutic. It helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings and kinda boil things down to what is going on in my head and what God is showing me.
I actually read through all my previous posts since Tim’s confession. It was helpful to re-read them and remember this journey. All the days seem to blur together in some ways, so it’s helpful to look back at what I’ve learned and experienced. It’s amazing to me that I need to be reminded of what I’ve experienced! That’s crazy to me that I can forget, or at least not remember as vividly.
The last several days have been just a blur of racing emotions, memories, feelings, questions, emotions, decisions, feelings, and…mush! Ups, downs, sideways, over, under…you name it, I’ve been feeling it!
I WISH I could sort it out. But today, I can’t. And that’s frustrating. And exhausting.
But I’m trying to not give up. I had a good night playing with Caleb. For now, he makes me smile. And I love him so much! And he needs a good mommy. He deserves a good mommy. So I am trying to give him as good of a mommy as I can.
And I’m sure this post makes no sense, I’m sorry. But thanks for letting me ramble a little.