I’m sorting through a lot of things. Memories, feelings, truth, my past…there’s a lot flying around my head. And now that I’m a stay at home mom, I have a lot of time to think and pray. Well, they are short, very interrupted prayers, but they are still prayers.
This is hard for me to admit, but since closing Veritas, I have felt some relief. I am still grieving that loss. Every Sunday will be very hard for me for a while. It’s still a loss. And I have to work through that.
But, I obeyed God and I believe He is helping me because of that. I don’t have that heavy responsibility anymore. Our ministry is at home now. And for now, that is all I/we can handle. And that’s ok.
I have felt hope again. I am seeing that things may actually get better.
God is using Easter and the spring weather and life all around me to remind me of His power to renew, to bring back to life that which was dead, to make things new. And I need that. We need that right now. And God is being so gracious to give me that hope and those examples of His Hand.
Easter reminded me of His power. Satan tried to win. He might have even THOUGHT that he won. But he DIDN’T! God’s power not only raised Jesus from the dead after three days, but also forgave all of humanity and made a way for us to have an actual, real relationship with the Creator of the universe!
Satan seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. And he almost did that to Tim and to our marriage. He almost won. He may have even THOUGHT that he won. But God’s power is stronger. His power flows through us when we obey and follow Him. His power is accessible to us when we call on it in obedience. That SAME power can be ours if we are following God. It’s that power that we are drawing on to come back from near death.
That power gives me hope. Seeing the changes God is making in me gives me hope. Seeing the changes Tim is allowing God to make in him gives me hope. Reading God’s Word and letting Him remind me of His character gives me hope. The spring weather and green grass gives me hope. The buds on the trees give me hope. They remind me that death is not forever.
God CAN and DOES bring life, even when it looks like there’s no way. He can bring Tim, me, and our marriage to a life we’ve never known if we are submitted to Him. I don’t have to live in the winter. God is beckoning me to enter the spring. He is reaching out His hand asking me to walk with him. Yes, the road is messy and muddy from the winter thaw, but I’m walking with Him. And He’s leading me to a new life, to be a new creation, better than I ever was before.
I think I’m going to walk with Him! I like spring! And I love this Father who loves me more than I could ever comprehend.