A Weird Place

I’m in a weird place these days.  I have this intense mix of sadness and still dealing with the pain of the affair, but am having times of happiness and hope.  I know it doesn’t seem like it should be so hard, but it is.

This past weekend was wonderful.  Tim had a long weekend and so we had a lot of time together as a family.  We spent time with my cousin and her son all day on Friday.  Then on Saturday we spent all morning at the Zoo.  This was our first time taking Caleb to the zoo and he LOVED it.  He was just an angel and took it all in!  It was just such a neat time for us.  There were times where I just felt happy!  I haven’t felt that in a while.  It was nice enjoying Caleb with Tim.  It was nice enjoying this “new Tim”.

But then there were times when I would notice how different Tim was being…but then that reminded me why.  I was reminded of why we are here right now.  And the sadness came back.

But the sadness was mushed in with the happiness….and it’s all very confusing.  And there’s really no way around it.  I just have to work through it.  But it’s hard.

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