Maybe are there times, SHORT periods of time, when you can coast a little bit? Marriage is hard work, everyone knows that. And sometimes life gets very busy and there just literally isn’t the time to put into it that you normally would. Work schedules get crazy, one person is out of town for a few days or something. Maybe those are times when things can coast just a bit. But only for a short time or else those periods become longer, and longer, and then permanent.
Or maybe you can’t coast even then. Maybe it’s of utmost importance to find ways to work at it even when it’s hard to squeeze it in.
I don’t know if there are times when a marriage can really ever coast.
Right now, we can’t do that for ANY amount of time. It is too damaging to our progress and healing.
Last week we went “up north” for a few days for the holiday weekend. We were there for two days alone with Caleb before the rest of the family came up. The time there was nice. Caleb got to play in the lake, on the beach, go on boat rides, fish, etc.
But between Tim and I things were miserable.
The week before we left Tim worked 70 hours in 7 days. With no notice. We didn’t know from day to day how long he’d be working. Sometimes we didn’t know when he’d be done working until he was walking out the door to come home. We got to go up north early because Tim had already put in his week’s allotted hours by Tuesday! It was awful. I was alone with Caleb a lot, Tim was exhausted, I was exhausted, we were frustrated…..just so much badness. And that meant we couldn’t talk, at all.
You see, these days, we have to stay connected. When we don’t make the time and put in the effort to talk, pray and connect, it gets ugly. My insecurities grow to ginormo size and I stop trusting Tim altogether. I get depressed. I dwell on things that can’t be changed. I forget any progress that has been made. I lose touch with God and disconnect from His power. It’s a slippery slope. A really slippery slope. And it’s a dark slope. And a slimy slope.
We can’t afford to disconnect from each other or from God these days. Not one. little. bit.
We are now working to connect again. Amidst busy, unknown schedules. And hurt feelings. And tired brains and bodies.
But we’re doing it. Slowly we will get back there. But coasting is not allowed for us these days.
Do you think coasting is ever ok? I really am wondering.