Choices and Rights

We had a talk with a good friend the other day.  This is a friend who is FIGHTING for us.  We don’t have a lot of people in our lives fighting for us.  He is doing that.  It is humbling and empowering to see someone cry FOR us…not because of what we’ve been through, but because he doesn’t want us to lose this battle.  He is moving far away soon.  I will miss him so much.  We will miss him so much.  I’m not sure what we are going to do without him!

But he had some hard words for us that we needed to hear right now.

We have lost our way in this recently.  The added stress of being unemployed and not knowing how to change careers with little to no experience outside of ministry in this economy is overwhelming to say the least.  ON TOP of all of the pain and difficulty of walking this hard road.

We had lost our way.  We had let the pain and discouragement and hopelessness consume us and blind us.  To each other.  To God’s light and hope.  To a future.

He helped kick our butts back in gear.

One thing he said has been rolling around in my head.

I have a choice.  Well, I have A LOT of choices, but this particular choice has been messing with my head.

I can choose the right to be broken and hurt and wounded.  OR I can choose the right to be healed and happy and whole.

You may be reading this and smacking your forehead saying “DUH!  You choose the second one!”

But it’s not that easy.  Not at all.

“My flesh” is clinging with all my might to the right to be broken and hurt and wounded.  Because I am.  And I DO have that right!  BOY do I have that right!  With all that has happened for so many years and most recently with the affair, I certainly have the right to be broken!  And hurt!  And wounded!

But if I choose to live in that choice, then I DON’T live in the choice to be healed and happy and whole.  I don’t choose God’s path of healing and allowing Him to bandage the wounds and help me to come out of this a better person who is closer to Him and, hopefully, more like Him.

And I have forgotten that that is a right too.  I do have a RIGHT to be healed and happy and whole.  Because God is so much bigger than this.  Because God is the Master Healer.  Because Jesus died so that I don’t have to be a slave to my flesh.  Because His power is so mighty that it raised Jesus from the dead after three days.  Because God, in His love and grace, wants His daughter to be made whole.

Choosing the right to be healed does NOT mean the pain is over.  Not by any stretch.  God has been showing me in numerous unconnected sources that I have got to walk THROUGH this pain and feel it and grieve.  That still terrifies me.  But it’s the only way to truly get through this and be better on the other side.

So, I have another choice.  If you are the praying kind, I would love your prayers to help me make the right choice.  Because this is a choice I have to make every second of every day right now.  I believe as time goes on I will have to make that choice less and less often.  But right now it is ALL. THE. TIME.  And I need some crazy supernatural strength for that!

But I have to make a choice if anything is going to change.  I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.

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9 thoughts on “Choices and Rights

  1. What a wise, caring and loving friend. This is great advice, choosing to be healed, happy and whole. I am sorry you are hurting so much. I cannot pretend to understand, but I will pray for you, that God will help you and give you the strength to choose to be healed, happy and whole. He is for you. I know He is capable. I will fight for you, even though I don’t know you. We serve a Mighty God. There is nothing too difficult for Him. It may be painful, but I believe it will be worth it.

  2. It sounds like your friend is wise. My counselor sometimes has to remind me that I always have a choice – I may not have a choice about whether or not to be in pain, but I have a choice in how to respond. You’re in the same place, but it’s emotional pain. You may not have a choice in whether or not to feel pain, but you have the choice to live through it, to be healed. I’ll pray for you!

    Catherine

    • i’m sorry you have to deal with your pain. pain stinks – physical or emotional – but it can transform us. we have to choose for it to make us stronger and refine us, i guess. praying we both can do that!

  3. I’ve been thinking through much of the same in a different respect, of course. I believe it is harmful to stunt the grieving process; it’s important to grieve all the way through things. But there comes a point at which grief becomes less of a “thing to do” and more of a mindset; I find that to be a tipping point, a point at which people have to *decide* where to go next and how to proceed. I’ve found both perspectives snowball quickly. If I choose to stay with my unhealthy fixation on my grief, I get dragged into the pit quickly. If I choose to pursue healing and be thankful for the healing I’ve already experienced, that mindset snowballs in a good way. I hope you’ll find the same as you seek to choose healing!

  4. Pingback: Victim or Victor? « this and that and then some

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