Why did he have to do it?
Why so much loss?
Why does nothing work out no matter how hard I try to do the right thing and make the right choices?
Why wasn’t I enough? Will I ever be enough?
Why would he make so many bad choices, tell so many lies?
Why would he go against everything he believed in?
Why does it have to hurt SO BAD?
Why can’t I stop listening to the negative voices and hear GOD?
Why does Caleb have to be in this mess?
Why can’t I feel better?
Why can’t we be doing better?
Why didn’t he think about me, Caleb, God, the church?
Why can’t I let my guard down and stop self-protecting?
Why can’t I stop trying to understand why?
I know the questions aren’t really productive and don’t have answers. At least none that would satisfy me. But it’s so hard not to ask them.
I NEED to figure out a way to stop asking them. I NEED to be ok with not having those answers. I NEED to stop being consumed with why.