Pandora’s Box

I have a rough night ahead of me.  I’m actually kinda scared.  But it’s necessary.

I will be going to counseling alone tonight.  I was asked to write down all the negative thoughts that fly through my head related to the affair.  I think that could fill a novel!

So on Friday afternoon I started the assignment.  I didn’t get very far.  I just couldn’t take it.

I think I have been working so hard to keep the negative thoughts, and the feelings that come with them, at bay that when I started that assignment I felt like I opened Pandora’s Box and this flood of poison just filled me up on the inside.  So much anger, resentment, pain, depression, pain, and more excruciating pain.

I thought I was doing better.  I thought I had that stuff under control.  But maybe I was just avoiding it.  I don’t know.

I just know that tonight I have to face it all.  In a big way.  And I’m scared.

And I wish this could just all be over.

I wish I didn’t have to do this.

But I do.

So, I will.

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