I will be going to counseling alone tonight. I was asked to write down all the negative thoughts that fly through my head related to the affair. I think that could fill a novel!
So on Friday afternoon I started the assignment. I didn’t get very far. I just couldn’t take it.
I think I have been working so hard to keep the negative thoughts, and the feelings that come with them, at bay that when I started that assignment I felt like I opened Pandora’s Box and this flood of poison just filled me up on the inside. So much anger, resentment, pain, depression, pain, and more excruciating pain.
I thought I was doing better. I thought I had that stuff under control. But maybe I was just avoiding it. I don’t know.
I just know that tonight I have to face it all. In a big way. And I’m scared.
And I wish this could just all be over.
I wish I didn’t have to do this.
But I do.
So, I will.