A Turning Point?

It’s been so long since I’ve written, again.  Things have been intense.  I haven’t really known what I could or should share here, so I opted to write nothing.

This past Sunday we went to Brew City Church.  I’ve written about them in the past.  They are amazing people.  Just…WOW!

Tim and I were in a bad place on Sunday.  Let’s just say things were not good and we needed God to show up in a big way.  We just did.

And He did.

I don’t have a great self-esteem, self-image, whatever you want to call it.  That filters into my relationship with God.  I am not one who thinks that God orchestrates events, situations, etc. to affect little ol’ me.  I am thankful for each interaction with God and being blessed to see His hand at work!  But I think I see myself as more the beneficiary of the effects of God moving in someone else’s life.  Sort of the ripples on the outside hitting me.

I am truly humbled to say I saw God miraculously weave so many ingredients in our lives, in other people’s lives, in so many aspects to speak to ME, to US on Sunday.  Because we NEEDED it.  Life as we knew it depended on it.

One of the pastors couldn’t sleep the night before and spent time praying and listening to God into the wee hours of the morning.  When we saw him on Sunday before church we simply asked how he was doing and he proceeded to tell us things that he has been wrestling with and what God “showed” him during his sleepless prayer time the night before.  I’m not kidding you, it was like God gave him words JUST for US!

Then the message packed another punch.  And another and another and another.

At the end of the message the pastor asked if anyone wanted prayer.  This is not something they normally do, but he felt the need to do it this day.  I NEVER raise me hand for that.  I don’t know why, I just tend to not do that.  And I don’t know many people at this church, and feel weird being prayed for by people who don’t know me or anything about me.  Sunday, I knew I had to.  So, I did.

I’ve been wrestling, among other things, with forgiving Tim.  I want to see Him with God’s eyes.  I want to see him the way God does.  As someone who is FORGIVEN and REDEEMED.  And I am struggling with that.  So I get very angry at myself for not getting it together yet!

That’s what I asked for prayer for.

Those who came to pray with us talked about how they see so much strength in us for working on this.  They talked about how amazed they were at the work we were doing.  They talked about how we can’t do this alone and they want to be a community who comes around us to walk this with us.

I’ll tell you I never feel strong in this!  I don’t feel all that amazing doing this!

But they see it.

And they are right – we can’t do this alone.

I am amazed at how God orchestrated SO MANY little things that day.  People to be there.  Words to be said.  Prayers to be prayed.  Our hearts being opened and desperate.

I don’t want to sound self-absorbed, but all of those many ingredients and people and prayers were orchestrated by God for US that day!  I’m sorry that Chris didn’t get much sleep the night before, but I am SO glad he came to church tired!  I am SO glad he turned to prayer and not the TV to lull him back to sleep!  I’m so thankful for all of them and how God used each of them to speak to us and show us God is STILL here, He has not given up on us yet, He is still fighting even when we feel defeated.

It’s overwhelming, humbling, and beautiful.

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2 thoughts on “A Turning Point?

  1. Pingback: Hope « this and that and then some

  2. Pingback: Foundations « this and that and then some

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