Hope

Christmas was tough this year.  Not a surprise, but really hard just the same.

I am normally a CHRISTMAS NUT!  In college I decorated my dorm room as much as my roommate would let me, and even my CAR!  I wanted nothing more than those battery powered christmas lights to put in my car!  Never got them, but wanted them!  I put garland in the car, those “stickees” on the windows, ornaments on the air vents, as much Christmas as I could cram in my car.  Ok, I confess, I kept doing that AFTER college while I was married too!

Anyway, Christmas is a BIG deal for me!  I love EVERYTHING about it!  I love the music, the smells, the baking, the decorations, the lights, the specials on TV, the movies, the family time, you name it!

And, more than anything I love what and Who we celebrate.  I love the reason we celebrate.  I love the miracle, the wonder, the craziness of the story of Jesus’ birth!

But this year was different.  We didn’t decorate except for our tree (which is fake which I hate, but it works).  I just couldn’t stomach not having a tree to place gifts under.  Caleb deserves a Christmas tree! 😉  But even that was only put up maybe a week before Christmas.

Baking was a minimum.

Didn’t really listen to Christmas music at all, or even watch many movies.  Caleb has a few faves so we watched those but that’s it.

I just wasn’t “merry” this year.  I couldn’t muster it up.

I wasn’t TOTALLY depressed.  It’s not like I didn’t enjoy the season at all.

But this was the first year in about EIGHT years I didn’t plan a Christmas service in some way for church.  And I MISSED that!  I LOVE creatively looking at the amazing story of Christmas and figuring out ways to help people connect with their amazingly loving Father who gave us His precious Son in such a humble way.  And how His coming to earth changed our world forever.

Heck, we didn’t even go to a church service of any kind for Christmas!  It was just so WEIRD!

And I was really beating myself up about being so down at Christmas.  After all, I have family, I have people who love me, God has miraculously been providing for our needs, I have a warm house and food and clothes, I have a tremendously wonderful little boy at home….I have SO much!  Why couldn’t I just get it together and not care about all that was gone and look at what God DID at Christmas.

So one day I was trying to think through the words that are in the Bible and associated with Christmas.  Joy, peace, hope…and for some reason hope is the one that stuck with me.

I think I was struggling too much with joy….that one felt out of reach sometimes.

I have experienced God’s peace just about every day since this whole thing blew up.

But I had lost hope.  At least most of it anyway.  And I needed hope.

I’m so glad God is ok with my needy-ness.  Cuz I sure am NEEDY!

If this hadn’t happened, the week before Christmas, I would not be able to even write this.

So, for me, this season, and even today, hope is my word.

I need it.

And God is giving it to me.  Little by little I am trying to let it drip in.

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One thought on “Hope

  1. I can’t imagine. The feelings you are experiencing about Christmas are totally understanding. I am so thankful that God showed you what you were lacking and is bring restoration of that Hope to you. !

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