The topic of this last post about my Seattle trip has had the most significant impact on me. It’s rare that I (or any parent) gets time to just talk….to adults….without a time schedule, without kiddos around, without having to spell out words so the kids don’t know what you’re talking about.
And I needed that. It was so good to be able to talk to friends.
I was able to reconnect with a friend from college. He moved out to Seattle and lives right near my cousin. He and I haven’t talked in probably 10 years! But when we got together it was just like “old times”. He’s been through more in these 10 years than anyone should in a lifetime! We both shared our painful journeys, we cried with one another, we laughed with one another, we shared with one another.
Then he did something that is still burned in my memory. And my cousin did this over the course of my trip too.
We were sitting in the food court of a mall waiting for Sarah to get there and talking. I had just finished sharing about what has gone on in the last four years or so.
He looked me in the eyes and spoke to me, but it felt like it hit so deep down into my soul. He said he was sorry for all that has happened. And he said that he wanted me to be happy and healthy. There was more to it, but that’s it in a nutshell. But the way he said it, looking right into my eyes….I don’t know. It was just so sincere, so genuine. It felt like it pierced me in a good way. Sarah did the same thing a few times!
I don’t think we do that often enough. How many times do you look into someone’s eyes…I mean REALLY look into someone’s eyes and speak to them? Really speak to them. Share genuine, real feelings and words while looking into their eyes.
I think we need to do that more. We need to look into each other’s eyes. And speak. And listen. Connect.
My cousin and I had some of the most amazing talks. Talking into the wee, wee hours of the morning a few times, but so amazing. I’ve always thought she was so perfect and I’ve never measured up to her. She is a world traveler, vegetarian, so healthy, gorgeous, wise, FUN, hip and cool, smart, successful, just so different than me. But through our talking I saw that we are not SO different. We both have issues. We both have things that are hard for us to live with, deal with, things to work on. And some of those issues are actually the same! I don’t feel like this “brought her down” in my view of her. I still think she is all of those things listed above. But now I can see that she is like me and we can journey through this stuff together. We can work though our issues together. I’m not alone in feeling this way. We can help and encourage each other.
We got to talk about religion, God, our childhood, relationships, philosophy, nutrition, healing, massage (she just graduated and is interviewing for massage therapy jobs), personalities, our flaws, our “first born” tendencies…..you name it, we probably talked about it some point! I can’t remember the last time I was able to talk like that. And share questions. Questions that we were fed answers to as kids, but now that we’re “all grown up” (ya, right!), we are questioning again. Those answers just don’t really hold water considering what we’ve experienced and learned in life.
It was a little scary asking some of those questions. Questions about life, about the Bible, about God. But at the same time, is was so freeing. I wonder about things…a lot of things. And being able to put words to them was freeing. And then to hear someone else had the same questions….made me feel not so alone in my wonderings. And reminded me that it’s ok. It’s ok to wonder, to question, to seek answers even when they don’t come quickly or easily.
It reminded me that God is big enough to handle my questions. He doesn’t’ get offended or scared or angry. And my questions actually can push me closer to Him. Because I want Him to give me the answers. I want to seek Him and seek the answers. And that is a journey.
I may never get the neat little answers I seek. But I am on a journey to find them and that’s ok. And on that journey I am learning so much and I am getting closer to God, even if that means questioning Him and His Word sometimes. Because I’m trying to understand.
And in order to learn and understand, you have to ask questions.