This coming Sunday Tim and I are sharing our story at church. I am terrified. Petrified. Kinda regretting saying yes sometimes.
We were going to meet with Randy last week to talk about it but that time didn’t end up working out, so we will do that tomorrow. However, one of the questions I had for him was why? Why did he want us to do this? How could the church benefit from this?
He talked about this being a Kingdom thing. That we are making Kingdom choices in this and people needed to hear that. The choice to continually over and over and over forgive and repent and choose God’s best even when it is hardest and messy and not all tied up in a nice bow. He said there are people who NEED to hear that and see it lived out.
His words got me thinking…..
Do I want to be a victim or a victor in this?
Let me tell you……IT IS SOOOOOOO MUCH EASIER TO BE THE VICTIM!!!!
OH.MY.GOODNESS!!! SO MUCH EASIER!
Choosing to be the victor takes SO much more hard work.
I have a RIGHT to be a victim dang it! A lot was taken from me because of someone else’s choices.
It’s HARD to CHOOSE to be the victor.
But it’s my choice. It’s my choice how I want to live.
The victim role is easier. It’s “justified”. But it’s not a happy, joyous role. It’s dark. It keeps looking back. It’s weak. It’s all dependent on someone else and their choices. It’s filled with death and destruction. But it’s easier to live this role.
The victor role has hope. It looks backwards AND looks ahead. It doesn’t dismiss the past, but it doesn’t live in the past. It glorifies God because HE is the victor. HE is the only reason I can even dream to live this role. This role is strong and powerful. But it’s much harder to choose to live this way.
My natural flesh lives as a victim.
But God’s power and His life in me pushes me to live as a victor. Because that is what He wants from me. He didn’t die a horrible death so that I would live in darkness and death my whole life.
He died so that I can have hope and life and victory. So that I could have a tangible example of His indescribable love for me. So that I could see His power in bringing life out of death and destruction. That death doesn’t always mean the end.
Yes, Friday was a horrible day. Friday was a day of pain, loss, grief, betrayal, loneliness, death. The death of a Savior and dreams and hopes and the known.
And Saturday was waiting. Waiting with questions. Bewilderment. Probably loss of hope. Quiet.
But Sunday brought life. Victory. Power and strength.
I’ve lived in Friday for a long time. I’ve lived in Saturday for a long time. Is it time for Sunday to come? Is it my time to finally claim victory? For GOD to claim victory? Can I make those hard, hard choices over and over and be the victor and stop just being the victim?