I have so much swirling around in my brain today!
- Today is Tim’s birthday. (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!)
- In two days we share our story at church.
- My heart is aching from digging up the memories, the pain, the experiences of the last almost year and a half now.
- I really should put some thoughts together on paper for Sunday so I don’t ramble!
- Caleb was a bit of a “challenge” this morning so I’m wondering how Tim’s birthday dinner is going to go tonight.
- The house needs to be cleaned.
- I have phone calls to make.
- I miss my friends.
- I am thankful for those few people who REALLY dug in the gook, the pain, the mess, the DARKNESS with us in those first days, weeks, months after Tim confessed his affair.
This last one has stuck with me in and out of the random shooting thoughts in my head.
I have been struck with the amazing sacrifice a few of these friends made to carry this burden with us. People who prayed with and for us, listened, cried, encouraged, challenged, laughed, and just generally rolled around in the muck with us.
That is not an easy place to be. Rolling around in someone else’s muck.
Especially when it was SO intense, SO painful, SO “mucky”.
They gave of their time, their energy, their emotions. To two people who were SO very, very broken.
I hope I can be that for someone else someday. It’s not a place I would want ANYONE else to be. An affair is not something I would want ANYONE to do, experience or live through. But, unfortunately, it will likely happen again to someone. And then someone else. And then someone else.
But I pray God uses me to help someone else through that time. I pray that I can be strong, wise, vulnerable, and reflect God to them in their darkest hours. Just like others have done for me.
I need to hang onto that today. Because my heart is achey. It feels like its bleeding again. But I have to cling to the hope. Hope to make a difference.