“In my book you are BADASS!”

Ok, if my mom or grandma read my blog I just gave them a heart attack with that title!  Sorry if that offends any of you….I still love you!! 🙂

Photo courtesy of Chris Johnson

Yesterday Tim and I shared our story of the last couple years at Brew City Church.

It was intense leading up to doing this.  This was the first time we have shared our story together in front of a group.  We’ve talked with a few friends, of course, one on one, but we haven’t talked in front of a group yet.  And this blog is not the same as talking to people’s faces!  This was the first time Tim had spoken in front of a church since he confessed his affair to Veritas.

It was hard.  It hurt.  There were a lot of tears.

But it was good.  It started fulfilling our prayers for God to use this horrible situation to glorify Him, to show others His unbelievable power, to be open in a church family.

The Church needs to be willing to face the difficult parts of life.  Bring the dark places into the light.  The Church needs to talk about this stuff.  Because it’s there.  Everyone struggles with something(s).  Some of them are deep rooted in our lives.  And if we can’t talk about them in Church, then we as the Church are failing.  BIG TIME!

I will get off my little soapbox now!

After church one girl came up to me and her first words to me were: “In my book you are BADASS!”

I think that was one of the greatest compliments I’ve ever gotten!  I shared in my story how I had viewed other women who stood by their husbands after an affair and how they looked so weak to me.  And I didn’t want to be that!  I shared about how John at Blessing Ranch talked to me about the “grit“, the intensely hard work those women did and how they were so far from weak to rebuild a marriage after an affair.

She came up to me after the service and told me I am helping to redefine “a strong woman” for her.  She, like many of us, has not seen a lot of examples of strong, christian women.  They are either seen as the quiet, submissive don’t-speak-until-spoken-to woman….or a “feminazi”.  Neither extreme sits well with me…or her.

I have a really hard time “accepting” it when people tell me I am strong.  When they say how proud they are of me, of both of us, for going through this.  I just don’t feel strong.  I see how far I still have to go.  I guess I feel weak so often.  So often wanting to give up, feeling like I just can’t handle the pain anymore.

And I know that NONE of what I am doing I am doing myself.  I think that’s why I don’t feel like people should see me as strong.  I hate “Christianese”, but I am only doing what I am doing because God is with me and and giving me the strength to endure, to make the choices I’m making, to keep going.  I am not doing this.  I can’t do this!  I have to cling to God with ALL my might!  I have to go to Him for EVERYTHING!  HE is doing this, not me.

But I do like the idea of being a “badass”!  Cuz this ain’t easy!  And to fight Satan and what he tries to do in our lives….that takes a badass!

So, I will proudly wear that title!


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