It’s been rough.
Not what I expected.
I missed only one day. I still prayed for Tim that day, but I didn’t get to pray from my book.
It’s been stirring up A LOT. I’m seeing so many areas I need to change. Things I need to be doing better. I don’t like that!! 😉
But I’ve been praying for God to soften my heart so that I can learn from Him and so that I can be more the woman He wants me to be. And, therefore, I will be able to pray better, more purely, and more honestly for Tim.
The “chapters” in the book so far have been hard to pray for. Praying for Tim is just different now sometimes.
We’ve had some good, hard talks. We are grieving loss. A loss of a life we thought we would have. Loss of a life we wanted. Loss of dreams we had.
And we’re kinda lost.
But praying is helping. It isn’t giving me/us answers yet. It isn’t “making things all better”. In fact, it’s kinda making things harder first because I/we have to face things that are easier to just ignore.
But praying gives me some peace. It reminds me that I am NOT in charge. That I have Someone who I can trust to know what is going on and how we’re going to make it.
The more I surrender, God is granting peace. That deep, “beyond all understanding” kinda peace. I don’t get it, I don’t see how it’s all going to get better, but I have some peace. I have to keep relying on God and doing what needs to be done so that that peace will grow…because it’s small now.
But I know God is faithful.