9 Down, 21 to Go!

It’s been just over a week already since I decided to commit to praying for Tim every day for one month.

It’s been rough.

Not what I expected.

I missed only one day.  I still prayed for Tim that day, but I didn’t get to pray from my book.

It’s been stirring up A LOT.  I’m seeing so many areas I need to change.  Things I need to be doing better.  I don’t like that!! 😉

But I’ve been praying for God to soften my heart so that I can learn from Him and so that I can be more the woman He wants me to be.  And, therefore, I will be able to pray better, more purely, and more honestly for Tim.

The “chapters” in the book so far have been hard to pray for.  Praying for Tim is just different now sometimes.

We’ve had some good, hard talks.  We are grieving loss.  A loss of a life we thought we would have.  Loss of a life we wanted.  Loss of dreams we had.

And we’re kinda lost.

But praying is helping.  It isn’t giving me/us answers yet.  It isn’t “making things all better”.  In fact, it’s kinda making things harder first because I/we have to face things that are easier to just ignore.

But praying gives me some peace.  It reminds me that I am NOT in charge.  That I have Someone who I can trust to know what is going on and how we’re going to make it.

The more I surrender, God is granting peace.  That deep, “beyond all understanding” kinda peace.  I don’t get it, I don’t see how it’s all going to get better, but I have some peace.  I have to keep relying on God and doing what needs to be done so that that peace will grow…because it’s small now.

But I know God is faithful.

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4 thoughts on “9 Down, 21 to Go!

  1. Desiree (Mom)
    I wish I could take it all away for both of you. I believe (from my experiences) it is time to leave it at the cross. Not to revisit, analyze or keep remembering the bad. When I was told this for the first time and I was going through an issue; I didn’t get how to do that, but one day it clicked. Leaving it at the cross means leaving it in God’s hands, and when it comes up in your mind (even 20 times a day), you keep putting it back in God’s hands – He will take it willing for you to never see again one day. In your talks stay away from the issue (as you both will leave it in God’s hands every time it comes to mind), talk about the future not the past – that will help you plan new things coming into your relationship. You are at a great time in your relationship, it’s still young, God has made it anew, and you are having another baby. Find JOY everyday with your son, with your husband and now with your baby growing inside you. Without God’s JOY you can’t go into the next minute, so be definite about this process. Get out a calendar and make plans of joy, fun and time as a couple and family. These times should be about building, not chipping away at the past. As you build new things God will take care of everything else.

    We have a HUGE God with HUGE shoulders and He calls us to let go before the enemy visits your talks and begins destroying without you even knowing it. It’s time to turn away in another direction, and you both will find joy. Discard the hurt, guilt, images in your mind, pain by putting them into God’s hands. You will find in a short time that you are happy again, at peace with the life you are BUILDING, make everyday joyful.

    I love you both.

    Mom

  2. When we commit to pray for others, God always does a work in our hearts first. I am thankful that you are striving to bring your relationship before God’s throne of grace. I have not walked your road. I have no advice. I’ve been praying for you. I just know you are a little farther than you were and God will bring you the rest of the way. I am asking Him to bring restoration and restore what the locusts have eaten. What the enemy meant for evil, God will use for His glory! I believe one day, you and Tim will stand and say, “Look what the Lord has done”! Peace and blessings!

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