Book Review: “Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken”

I “met” Cindy Beall (virtually) through her blog back when Tim first confessed his affair.  I was referred to her blog as a resource to help me as I navigated this road.  I read through her story and was dumbfounded.  There were quite a few similarities in our stories.

Her husband was a pastor at Lifechurch.tv in Oklahoma.  He had had a porn addiction for many years and had multiple affairs while being a pastor.  His last affair resulted in a pregnancy.

As I read through her story on her blog I saw a ridiculous story of grace and hope.  Ridiculous (in a good way of course)!  She and Chris not only stayed together, but he became a pastor again at that same church, and they went on to have another child together.  AND if that wasn’t enough, she has befriended the mother of his child from the affair!!  If that doesn’t show God’s power, I don’t know what will!

Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken is Cindy’s first book (also available for Kindle) and has been quite a labor of love.  It is very hard to go back to those early days and recall those emotions, the thoughts, the memories, the pain, the struggles.  But she does that for us readers.  She retells them in a wonderful conversational writing style.  She is honest and open about what she felt, learned, and dealt with.

A nice bonus I wasn’t expecting was stories from other couples who have also walked this road.  She “interviews” them and allows them to tell their stories (in short form).  While Chris and Cindy’s story is so powerful and so amazing, she allows others to also tell their stories and show how God works in MANY marriages who have endured unfaithfulness.  Chris and Cindy aren’t just an anomaly.  God has done a crazy, mighty work in them….but He has done the same amazing work in many others’ lives too!

This isn’t just a book based on her experience.  It is a book based on her experience with GOD leading her through this journey of new life.  New life for them as individuals and new life for their marriage.  She supports the lessons she’s learned with God’s Word.  The Bible is not all about “warm-and-fuzzy-feel-good-verses”!  The verses in this book point to the hard truth that God gives about how to deal with betrayal and forgiveness.  God’s truth is always BEST, but it’s almost never easy.  The rewards in the end are MORE than worth the heartache….but there is often heartache, followed CLOSELY by God’s peace and comfort when doing the right thing.

This book was hard to read.  It brought up so many emotions and memories.  It made them very fresh again.  That’s not very pleasant.  However, it reminded me of the hope that God does offer.  If we are willing to do “whatever it takes” (a phrase and idea used often in the book), God will honor our hard work.  And walk through it WITH us.

My wish is that no one reading this will ever need this book.  My wish is that no one you know will ever need this book.

But, sadly, that is not reality.

Sadly there are many men and women who will let lies invade their minds and find solace, companionship, feelings of worth and lust in someone other than their spouse.  Many are or will dabble in porn.  They will believe the lies that it’s not that big of a deal.  They will keep the secrets hidden, even from those closest to them.  And that secret life will grow.  It ALWAYS does if it is not brought out into the open.  It will turn into chatting online.  It will turn into an emotional affair.  It will turn into exchanging pictures that shouldn’t be shared.  It can even turn into a totally physical affair.

And marriages will be blown apart.  They will be devastated beyond words.  Ministries will be lost.  Friends will be lost.  Families will be shaken to their core.  Some marriages won’t survive.

But this book helps us to remember that IF God is put at the center.  IF the unfaithful person is totally repentant, done with the behavior and all that goes with it, and truly devastated for doing it, not just getting caught.  IF BOTH people want the marriage to succeed and are willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES – NO MATTER HOW EXTREME IT MAY SEEM….

Then God gives us such hope.  As my friend recently reminded me, there was death and devastation when Jesus was crucified.  All hope seemed to be lost.  He was dead for days.  He was buried.  There was no hope left.

But God is bigger than death!  There is NO destruction that is outside His realm of rebirth.

And if the unfaithful spouse is not repentant and doesn’t want to work on the relationship, even if they leave you for the other person, ALL this is still true for each individual!  God WILL heal and make you NEW!  IF you’re willing to do whatever it takes, God will be faithful to heal and renew you!

So, if you, or someone you know, has experienced any unfaithfulness in a relationship, whether it is lies, secrets in money, relationships, jobs, etc., or an affair of any kind, get this book.  I believe it will help give you perspective and hope for a life of forgiveness, grace, healing, and hope!

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