It’s a long, long road

I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones.  Or that I’ve felt like I’ve had the flu because of being nauseous and exhausted for the last two months.  Or stress.  Or life.

But I’m not doing too well.

I saw my counselor a couple weeks ago.  And I also emailed Cindy Beall and got a response.  Both of them said I have more grieving to do.

I’m tired of grieving.  I’m tired of being sad.  I’m tired of having to visit that pain.  I’m tired of the need to process the emotions and memories.  I’m tired of having to admit and address the losses.

Everyday brings more reminders of what was lost.  Of the horrible choices Tim made.  Of how extremely different life is now than what it was, or what it should be.  It’s just in front of my face every minute of every day.

Tim and I have been struggling lately, so I’ve been trying to faithfully pray for him everyday.  But it seems like the more I try to pray for him, the more I am being bombarded by memories, thoughts, sorrow.

I just didn’t expect this road to be quite so long.

It’s not that I thought everything would be all roses and rainbows already.  But, I didn’t realize it would still be so hard and hurt so much.

There’s just so much to work through. So much work to be done.

But I’m tired.  And I’m running out of steam.

I’m not ready to quit yet.  I’m just really tired.  And I wish I could see some sort of a finish line somewhere.


2 thoughts on “It’s a long, long road

  1. Oh Vicky, I am so sorry for your pain and the loss you have endured. When I visit your blog, I ask the Holy Spirit to come and comfort you and to help you through this. I cannot imagine this road you are walking, but I know that God is faithful to bring you through it. Praying He will speed up the process and restore your joy!

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