But I’m not doing too well.
I saw my counselor a couple weeks ago. And I also emailed Cindy Beall and got a response. Both of them said I have more grieving to do.
I’m tired of grieving. I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of having to visit that pain. I’m tired of the need to process the emotions and memories. I’m tired of having to admit and address the losses.
Everyday brings more reminders of what was lost. Of the horrible choices Tim made. Of how extremely different life is now than what it was, or what it should be. It’s just in front of my face every minute of every day.
Tim and I have been struggling lately, so I’ve been trying to faithfully pray for him everyday. But it seems like the more I try to pray for him, the more I am being bombarded by memories, thoughts, sorrow.
I just didn’t expect this road to be quite so long.
It’s not that I thought everything would be all roses and rainbows already. But, I didn’t realize it would still be so hard and hurt so much.
There’s just so much to work through. So much work to be done.
But I’m tired. And I’m running out of steam.
I’m not ready to quit yet. I’m just really tired. And I wish I could see some sort of a finish line somewhere.