Tomorrow we have an ultrasound.
Not just ANY ultrasound…..THE ultrasound!
First off, we get to see our little one, and pretty much any parent LOVES to see that grainy, blurry little alien figure on the screen as much as possible. One of the benefits of being a diabetic (and there aren’t many!) is that I get more ultrasounds than most. Come the last trimester I get to see my little one on that screen every week!
But tomorrow we get to see him/her. And praying to see a very healthy heart, brain, arms, legs, fingers and toes!
My mom, Tim, and even Caleb is skipping school to come because tomorrow we find out if it’s a BOY OR A GIRL!!!
I’m a glob of lightning emotions!
I’m nervous….what if there’s something wrong? What if they don’t see what they’re supposed to see? What if the baby isn’t healthy?
What if it’s a boy? What if it’s a girl?
Honestly, after it being HEALTHY, we really want a girl! Not that we won’t be totally happy with a little brother for Caleb, but we would really love a girl. This is our last child, so one of each would be so wonderful!
There are wonderful things about boys and girls. And there are things that terrify me about boys and girls.
As my boy grows up we need to teach him to respect women. To respect ALL people, but mostly women. Our society objectifies women so horribly and I just won’t stand for it in my house. I want my boy to not see women the way we see men see women on TV and movies (how’s that for a convoluted sentence??). It’s so accepted for men to view porn. THAT IS NOT OK! And I don’t want to just be a tyrant with rules, I want to teach him how God sees all of us. Teach him how God has formed men and women and have their heart NOT EVEN WANT that. I want them to avoid it because it’s important to them, not because mom has blocks on the computer and phone. I want him to see what it did, and almost did, to our family and NOT want that anywhere near his life, heart and mind.
Having a girl would be SOOOOOOO fun to dress, play pretend with, watch her imagination grow…..but then the teen years hit. I remember my teen years and they were TOUGH!!! O the emotions, am I right girls??
Oh, how she will hate her mom when we go shopping for clothes. I am appalled at what is out on the racks for girls these days! She will want to buy the trendiest top and short skirt, and I will say no, and we will have a teenaged tantrum in the store. But I want her heart to love herself more than that. I want her to see the beauty God has instilled in her and be secure in that. So secure that she doesn’t feel the need to flaunt her body “like all the other girls”. The freedom in who God has created her to be to be herself, and not have to be like everyone else all the time. I want her to feel so loved by her Heavenly Father and her earthly daddy that her standards for who to date are so high it will be a VERY SPECIAL boy who will meet them and be worthy of her time and attention.
I know, those issues are close to my heart right now with all that’s gone on in my marriage. But they’re still real. And I know there are SO many more things to be taught! But those are biggies for me.
So, neither is really easier than the other! They both have their wonderful joys and challenges. Most of all I want them to know, love, follow their Abba! I want Him to have such a hold on their lives and hearts that HE is who you see when you look into their beautiful eyes.
So, tomorrow, we find out a little more about this special little gift God has blessed us with.
I CAN’T WAIT!!!!