It’s just not ok

You know how when you buy a new (or new to you) car, all of a sudden you see that same car everywhere?  Suddenly they are everywhere.  You may have rarely seen them before, but now you see them all the time!

That’s kinda how I feel now that I have been in a marriage dealing with an affair.

It’s like every time I watch TV or a movie or see a movie preview or listen to a song on the radio there is a story line in which someone is cheating or is being cheated on.

Almost everywhere I look.

I also understand that I am overly sensitive about this, but still.

And I don’t see or hear it portrayed properly.  Not that it is the media’s job to portray life with all of it’s realness….but it’s just SO off!

It’s just amazing to me though how often it comes up.

And it is treated as not that big of a deal.  So often people’s attitude tends to be “well, good riddance to bad rubbish.  I’m better off without him/her.  I’m better than him/her.  I can find someone else way better. etc.”

It doesn’t show the turmoil.  It doesn’t show the LONG road through the stages of grief.  It doesn’t show the HARD work to heal.  It doesn’t show the extreme roller coaster ride that you go through as you try to wrap your head around what just happened.  It doesn’t show the emotional and psychological whirlwind that BOTH parties go through.

It’s usually pretty simplified.  They simply break up and go on with their lives.  Or they stay together and don’t talk about it in great depth.  Or there is just an angry, crazy blowout with “the other woman” and then it’s over.

Life isn’t like that.

I WISH there was an end to the episode and we could just turn the channel.  Or it was resolved with a nice bow at the end of an episode or two.

Life isn’t like that.

I wish infidelity wasn’t portrayed so much in the media.  I wish it wasn’t glamorized.  I wish it didn’t look so “easy” to do it.

I wish there wasn’t a movie recently out all about what a friend does when he catches his best friend’s wife kissing another man.  I never saw this movie (I couldn’t even watch the commercials), so I’m not trying to pass judgement on it.  But that was the message that I got from the commercials.  And it was billed as a COMEDY.  What about an affair can be funny???

Why do we portray relationships as non-binding?  If someone better comes along, or if you’re going through a rough patch in a relationship, then go ahead and find someone else.  It’s not really a big deal.  After all, your present and momentary happiness is what is most important.  If you don’t feel good, then do whatever you need to do to feel better, even if just for a while.

I’ll make a confession….I love Dr. Phil.  When we had cable I DVR’d the show and watch it all the time.  I know, it’s a guilty pleasure. 😉

I have seen more than one episode where they have women who are “mistresses” defending themselves.  They go so far as to say that they HELP the man’s marriage.  It turns my stomach to hear that.  I makes me physically ill.  There is nothing about an affair that is GOOD for a marriage.

Can good come from it?  Yes.  I have heard people talk about how their marriage is better after coming through an affair than before the affair.  But that does not mean that the affair or the mistress HELPS the marriage.

I think we have become callous to such emotional situations.  And it’s just not ok with me.


3 thoughts on “It’s just not ok

  1. Amen, Vicky, Amen. The world just misses the whole point. It’s not what makes YOU feel good, It is about the covenent you entered in and being true to that relationship.

    God bless you

  2. What Hollywood considers entertainment is gross. We are okay with people being injured, murdered, sexually assaulted. It makes good ratings when there is more sex and the breaking of the marriage vows is just a good “twist” to create some interest. It is really gross, very disturbing.

  3. I totally agree with what you said.. and five years ago when I realized that typically we totally empathize with the other woman over the wife because she’s the character the writers have you connect with initially… I banned that kind of tv. I just don’t watch it at all as a protest to the fact that no one seems to honor the sanctity of marriage .. well, not no one, but so often it isn’t. So now if we watch tv it’s hgtv or the food network. But mostly it’s just no tv at all.

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