So, today I am 24 weeks pregnant.
That is 6 months.
And I am starting to PANIC!!!!
This pregnancy has gone by WAY faster than my first! There is still so much to do, so much to get, so much to figure out, so much to get ready for.
I just don’t feel ready! It’s going too fast!
In some ways February feels so far away.
It’s snowy in February….I still go outside without a coat on some days.
February is AFTER the holidays…..I haven’t even begun to think about Christmas shopping.
February is NEXT YEAR….2011 is far from over….right??
But, my due date is only about 3 and half months away. AND THAT IS NOT LONG ENOUGH!
Right now, she is safe. I can “easily” take care of her. Caleb still gets most all the attention he needs. I can still take care of him, get him to and from school easily, work on my design work, (sorta) take care of the house and meals, have a little time to myself to blog, read, nap, (gimme a break, incubating a human being is exhausting work!) etc.
BUT IN THREE AND A HALF MONTHS NONE OF THAT WILL BE TRUE ANYMORE!
I don’t know yet how I’m going to get Caleb back and forth to school in those first weeks. I don’t know how I’m going to have enough time and energy to give him all that he needs (cuz let me tell you, he needs A LOT of energy!!). I have NO idea how I will plan any meals much less grocery shop and cook them. And cleaning? Seriously?? I have no idea if/how much Tim will even be home to help with his crazy work schedule. And time to myself to sleep, shower, read, blog, work, eat……YA RIGHT!
One of my biggest fears is that Caleb will feel slighted in some way. Neglected. Abandoned. It breaks my heart and makes me cry to even think about hurting him or not giving him all he needs when the baby is here. But babies require A LOT! I don’t know if I’m going to have enough for both of them!
It’s certainly not that I don’t want this baby or that I’m not dying to hold her in my arms, see what she looks like, cuddle her, watch her grow. I just feel SO ill equipped. I don’t want to mess either of them up!
And time is going faster than I can handle!
So, stay put little one. Don’t be making any surprise early appearances, ok? Mommy has some work to do first!