Let me just tell you, this pregnancy could not be too much more different than my first! I haven’t written too terribly much about it yet, but as we’re nearing the end (ok, 8 more weeks, but it feels like it’s right around the corner!), I wanted to document some things.
I. AM. SORE!!! Wow! Nothing will make you feel old like lugging around a giant belly and it making every muscle, bone and tendon in your body ache! I have been rocking the waddle for quite a while now. Between the sciatic pain, back pain, braxton hicks contractions, and general pregnant-ness, I am quite a sight to behold. Tim has a hard time not laughing as I try to get up off the couch or in and out of the car. And if anything falls on the floor, chances are it will either stay there or I’m calling for Caleb to come pick it up for me. He even says now “I’ll pick it up for you mommy because you can’t bend over.” What did I do without him last time??
I don’t sleep anymore. Haven’t slept much in the last couple months. (See aforementioned pain description. It is at full strength when I am trying to sleep, roll over in bed, get up for the zillionth time to go to the bathroom, etc.) And I know it won’t get any better come February. I think we should be able to bank up sleep so that when we need to make a withdrawal there would be some reserve we could pull from! However, I think my reserve would be empty right now anyway!
I LOVE feeling her move! Her movements are much different now….there isn’t much room in there anymore for her acrobatics. And every now and then she does something that makes me gasp a little, but this is what I will miss most when she is born! I love watching my belly bounce and seeing her roll under my skin. It borders on creepy, but I think it is o so amazing! It’s still hard to believe there is a little living PERSON inside me! It’s just so amazing!
I’m much more concerned about things going wrong this time. I think starting out the pregnancy thinking we had lost her got me started on a rocky road. Once I had FINALLY stopped freaking out for every doctor and ultrasound appoint and relaxed and got used to enjoying them….then we find out she has the heart defect and will require open heart surgery. This little life is so fragile. All life is really! I know at any moment God can decide to take her home and leave me here without her. And sometimes I get so nervous that’s what’s going to happen. I didn’t have so many fears with Caleb. That was a pretty uneventful (for a type 1 diabetic anyway) pregnancy.
I don’t feel at all ready for her to come! It’s very different this time. She and Caleb will be sharing a room, so there’s really no “baby’s room” to get ready. We had to rearrange things a bit, but there’s no decorating I can do. There’s no “girlifying” the room or anything like that. No showers this time. Not nearly as much to buy or borrow since we kept everything from Caleb. If it wasn’t for this giant belly, there would not be much evidence of a baby coming. That is not to say I don’t think about her ALL. THE. TIME! It’s just very different this time. And I don’t feel ready!!
This is our last. Unless God speaks very clearly to us, this is our last baby. That is a very bitter sweet statement. I’ve spent time thinking about this, and sometimes it makes me want to cry. I am more than blessed! REALLY! A boy, then a girl, two kids who (presumably) will be healthy. TWO kids? REALLY? I mean, how much better could it get? But…..that means no more belly kicks. No more flutters to feel in those early months. No more watching that staticy garbled image on the ultrasound screen wondering who he/she will look like. No more belly (well, not a cute belly anyway! There will still be plenty of belly there!). No more pregnancies. And that is hard sometimes. It’s sad to think there will be no more. So, I REALLY don’t want to wish this pregnancy away. Or rush it in any way. I want to try to savor each of these last moments. Hang on to them. Not let them slip out of my memory.
It also means no more nausea, aches, restrictions, maternity jeans (I am REALLY hating these today!), swollen feel, ankles, hands, all of the aforementioned pain issues!
So, that is some random, miscellaneous-ness rolling around my sleepy, achey pregnant brain today. And, due to my lack of any real rest as of late….I cannot guarantee the coherent-ness of any of these thoughts.
And, today’s post is brought to you by the number 2 and “-ness”.