Not how I thought this was going to go

It’s been an intense week.  Tim worked 70 hours this week.  That is A LOT of time away from home.  Oh yeah, and our car was in the shop all week so I was stuck at home with no car and two little ones!  If my mom and sister hadn’t come over and helped me I don’t think all three of us would have survived the week!  Seriously!

Wednesday we had another weight check for Adara to see if she’s gaining weight.  I had a bad feeling about it.  Call it “mother’s intuition” or whatever, but I just felt like she wasn’t gaining weight.  I really wanted to be wrong.

But I wasn’t.

She only gained 1/10 of a pound in two weeks.  She should have gained almost a full pound at least.

I also asked the doctor about Adara sounding more congested and coughing a bit at night.  We figured she was getting a cold.  Unfortunately the pediatrician said it wasn’t a cold.  Those symptoms were due to her congestive heart failure.

NOT what I was wanting or expecting to hear.

Our doctor called our cardiologist to tell her what was going on and confirm a plan of action.  The cardiologist said she didn’t want to wait until the end of April for our scheduled appointment, she wanted to see us Monday.


Right away.

On one hand I’m so thankful for good doctors who want to take care of this right away!  I want her to be safe and as healthy as can be.

But it’s also so scary.  I don’t know what to expect.  This is all new territory for me and I don’t have any idea what lies ahead.

And I keep feeling guilty.  Mostly about the lack of weight gain.  I feel like it is MY job to feed her and I’m failing at it.  I’m nursing her and supplementing with breast milk fortified with formula to add calories.  But it’s still not working.  And I feel like that is all my fault.  And I’m failing my little girl.

In some ways I wouldn’t mind if the surgery was bumped up.  That way we can get her fixed and start healing and move on to have a normal, healthy little girl.  But, that would also mean facing that sooner and before her little body has had time to grow.

And the sleep deprivation from having to feed this little one as often as possible (at least every 2 hours almost around the clock), keeping up with Caleb, and Tim’s long hours this week is catching up with me and making things even harder to deal with.

No joke: I was at the kitchen sink tonight and tried turning the water off by flipping the light switch!  THEN, for a split second, I was actually confused why it got dark and the water was still on!   (Sometimes I wonder if I should actually be allowed to be left alone with two kids!)

Gotta just put cute pics of her in whenever possible! 😉


2 thoughts on “Not how I thought this was going to go

  1. This is a rough journey! I will pray for you to know that the Lord is with you through all of this. He has blessed you with your sister and Mom to help – He knows you need that! Prayers for tomorrow – hope that you won’t be going alone. Two adults are better than one at things like this! Prayers for your little ones, and the doctors, your Mom and sister….and you and Tim. Hugs, Vicky!!

  2. Oh Vicky,

    Your precious family is in the thick of it and I am praying you come through victoriously sooner than later. We love your little family and are praying for comfort, wisdom and healing through the team of doctors God has put around you and little Adara. Just know you are not alone and we are here if you need anything, be it rides, grocery shopping, meals, cleaning, a hug or just a listening ear. Love and hugs!

    Alycia, Jeff and Joseph

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