My BABY!! Say it ain’t so!!

My baby boy is going to all day, five days a week kindergarten one week from today!

Wasn’t this just yesterday???

How can this be happening??

I feel mixed about it.

On one hand every time I think about him going to kindergarten I get a knot in my stomach and have to fight back the tears.  He can’t possibly be old enough to be gone all day.  To eat lunch alone in a big scary cafeteria.  To be away from me, out of my watchful eye for so many hours per week with people I don’t know.  What if they make fun of him?  What if he makes fun of them?  What if they won’t play with him?  What if he gets hurt, or sad, or scared, or can’t open his thermos in his lunchbox, or can’t find his school supplies, or can’t get his coat on by himself, or can’t open his yogurt alone……….

Ya, I have problems.  This is why I can’t sleep at night!

But really, some other woman is going to be spending all day with him!  She is going to take my place when he’s crying or lost or needs help doing something.  All these other kids are going to have so much influence on him.  What if they watch movies and shows I don’t approve of?  Or use words I don’t approve of?  What if they’re mean to him?
I didn’t realize just how much of a helicopter parent I was until school hit!  I am having an intensely hard time letting him go.  I want to protect him.  I want to watch him and everything he does and is done to him!  Have you ever seen “The Incredibles”? You know that force field the daughter can put around things?  Ya, that’s what I want to be!  I want to be his protective little bubble!!  And if he goes to kindergarten I can’t do that!
I’m afraid I’ve babied him too much and he’s not going to be ready.  What if I didn’t prepare him well enough and he’s so behind?  What if all the other kids can write their names and he can’t?  What if I didn’t do my job well enough and I’m going to make his first big school experience a horrible one??

This is heart breaking!  The other night I couldn’t sleep.  AT ALL!  I started thinking about him going to school and couldn’t help but lay there and cry.  I feel like my heart will literally be torn out of my chest and walk into that school building and I won’t have it back until I pick him up!

But then, on the other hand, there is a part of me that is a little happy to not have to entertain him all day every day!  I will get to spend some one on one time with Adara.  I can try to get her on a schedule and MAYBE even get some things done at home!  MAYBE.

But mostly it’s heart wrenching.  I know he will be fine.  He will probably trot right into his classroom and not look back.  He’s excited to go.  And that’s how it should be.  But I will be a WRECK!!  I will probably spend most of the morning crying.  Trying to devise a way to keep Adara little because I won’t be able to handle this again!  And she’s already growing up way too fast!

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3 thoughts on “My BABY!! Say it ain’t so!!

  1. I have an idea (solution)… VOLUNTEER in his school! I’m a PTA parent and have been for 9 years (how did my baby get to be 13!!!!) Of course you have Adara in tow… you won’t be able to do everything or be at everything… but you’ll learn there are all kinds of things you can do with a baby in tow ~ and it makes your school a better community. I remember Emmalee tagging along with me… it was SOOOO much easier when she started school, because she had been there for 2 years, with me (it wasn’t so sary for her). I know each area/school is different but we are PRAYING for Kindergarten and young Mom’s to get involved. You are you school & PTA’s future.
    You can make copies for your teacher – an hour a week with baby in a stroller. You can cut and count Campbell Label UPC’s and Box Tops at home (while baby naps). Later in the year, you may be needed to help with reading groups. There are class parties (fun for little siblings in tow) and Field Trips.
    Don’t be sad, or nervous… WAIT! How does Bobby McFarrin put it? “Don’t Worry, Be Happy!”

    PS: think of all the one on one timeyou got to spend with your little guy… now you can do that with Adara, so she get’s the same 😉 HUGS TO YOU

    PPSS: Look for a MOPS group in your area… TOTALLY SAVED me with young ones!!!

  2. I hear ya! Can I tell you a secret? I cried the first year the big ‘uns went to school, I cried the second year too….this is the third year, I’m kind of expecting it will happen again. I do, however, manage a brilliant smile and am able to hold it together until I’m walking back to the car….without the familiar grip of little hands wrapped around my index fingers on either side. At that point? I loose it! Hot tears and snot dripping I’ve managed to drive myself directly to Starbucks each year…and after a hot Pumpkin Spice Latte at Southshore while dumping my heart’s worries, fears, hopes, regrets, etc at the cross, I’m able to pull my pieces back together. Hoping, and praying, that your first school day broken heart is quickly mended by Him. (((Hugs!)))

  3. Well, I was pretty close the same way when you first went to school. And you walked in the room without saying good-bye to me. So I just let you go so I didn’t make a scene to call you back and hold on tight. So if Caleb does that, hug him at home or outside the school, so you can have that first day hug. Wendy gave me a hug and was a little hesitant, so I held her hand until she was ready to go to her seat; others were coming in at this time. It is definetly a more trying time for the mom (or dad) to let that child go for the whole day. Another thing that I struggled with was not having much time with you girls; when you came home you wanted to play and then it was bedtime. I prayed for you girls and God did protect you; and helped me get through this tough time for all – except the child. Even more now, pray for your kids everyday! Love Mom

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