My baby boy is going to all day, five days a week kindergarten one week from today!
How can this be happening??
I feel mixed about it.
On one hand every time I think about him going to kindergarten I get a knot in my stomach and have to fight back the tears. He can’t possibly be old enough to be gone all day. To eat lunch alone in a big scary cafeteria. To be away from me, out of my watchful eye for so many hours per week with people I don’t know. What if they make fun of him? What if he makes fun of them? What if they won’t play with him? What if he gets hurt, or sad, or scared, or can’t open his thermos in his lunchbox, or can’t find his school supplies, or can’t get his coat on by himself, or can’t open his yogurt alone……….
Ya, I have problems. This is why I can’t sleep at night!
But really, some other woman is going to be spending all day with him! She is going to take my place when he’s crying or lost or needs help doing something. All these other kids are going to have so much influence on him. What if they watch movies and shows I don’t approve of? Or use words I don’t approve of? What if they’re mean to him?
I didn’t realize just how much of a helicopter parent I was until school hit! I am having an intensely hard time letting him go. I want to protect him. I want to watch him and everything he does and is done to him! Have you ever seen “The Incredibles”? You know that force field the daughter can put around things? Ya, that’s what I want to be! I want to be his protective little bubble!! And if he goes to kindergarten I can’t do that!
I’m afraid I’ve babied him too much and he’s not going to be ready. What if I didn’t prepare him well enough and he’s so behind? What if all the other kids can write their names and he can’t? What if I didn’t do my job well enough and I’m going to make his first big school experience a horrible one??
This is heart breaking! The other night I couldn’t sleep. AT ALL! I started thinking about him going to school and couldn’t help but lay there and cry. I feel like my heart will literally be torn out of my chest and walk into that school building and I won’t have it back until I pick him up!
But then, on the other hand, there is a part of me that is a little happy to not have to entertain him all day every day! I will get to spend some one on one time with Adara. I can try to get her on a schedule and MAYBE even get some things done at home! MAYBE.
But mostly it’s heart wrenching. I know he will be fine. He will probably trot right into his classroom and not look back. He’s excited to go. And that’s how it should be. But I will be a WRECK!! I will probably spend most of the morning crying. Trying to devise a way to keep Adara little because I won’t be able to handle this again! And she’s already growing up way too fast!