Prostitutes, Strippers and Porn Stars

I’m a little nervous to write this post.  It’s been rolling around in my head for a few days, and I think I need to write it.  But it’s hard.  Partly for the feelings it brings up, and partly because it makes me hold myself accountable to change.

Sometimes thoughts, pain, memories, etc. pop up related to Tim’s affair.  It’s better than it used to be.  But things still surface at different times.

Tim made a comment a few days ago that brought a lot of it to the surface.  He never meant it to.  It was in no way related to the affair in any way.  But what he said quickly created links to the affair in my brain.  In an instant.

I tried really hard to just put it aside and not think about it.  But that doesn’t often work well.  We are trying to actively work on our relationship in some areas, so I figured it best to tell him how that comment hurt and why so he can understand how his words have weight.  I’m sure he never would have seen the link from what he said to the affair for me, so I needed to explain that to him.

(I hope this is making some sense.  I know I’m being vague, but the details aren’t really necessary.  Hang with me for just one more minute and I think it will make more sense!)

In my anger I referred to the women he looked at online for years as “whores”.

Later on I was praying and asking God to help me to forgive Tim, to help me get past my hurt feelings, to take that away and heal me once again.

And all of a sudden I was impressed with my use of that word.  That I called those girls whores.

No one should be called that.

Those girls are his precious, beautiful, beloved daughters.  They are not what they do.  They are unique and wonderfully made by a Father who loves them as unconditionally as He loves me.

We (society) I think often looks down on them.  We look down on anyone who sells their body or shares those sacred parts of themselves with anyone who wants to look.  We think of them as stupid, careless, worthless, or worth only the parts of their body they are willing to show.  They deserve no respect.  They can’t offer anything but making a man (or woman) feel good momentarily.

I have to fight anger.  I’m angry they were there for Tim to look at.  I’m much, much more angry that Tim looked at them.

But when I think about it for more than a minute, I’m sad.  Sad that those beautiful souls feel that they have to expose that to anyone who wants to look.  Sad that they have these momentary, meaningless “relationships”.  Sad that they feel that’s what they’re worth.  Sad that they don’t know that they are Princesses of King God.  Sad that they may not have anyone in their life showing them their worth, all that they have to offer beneath their skin.

And I’m not sad in a pity sort of way.  I’m sad that I can’t hug them all and give them all that they need.  The same way I’m sad that I still don’t totally “get it”!

This experience just made me remember that people are God’s children, no matter what they’ve done.  We can’t look at ANYONE as what they do, or what they’ve done.  That’s not the way God sees them, and if I’m working to become more like Him, then that’s what I have to do.

That includes the woman Tim had an affair with, the women he looked at, and it includes Tim.

And it includes you and me.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Prostitutes, Strippers and Porn Stars

  1. Vicky I heard rumors but never believed them, and I have to say after reading this post I have the utmost respect for you…I don’t know if I could be as forgiving and strong as you are, I can’t even imagine the person you give your life too and kids too betraying me in that way, I would be devastated, but you speak with such heart and courage that I just have to tell you how much respect I have for you and what you have endured, I can see God in your words and your compassion…God bless you and your family… charmaine Cruz

  2. Oh Vicky, how God is using every misconstrued word or action to pull closer to Him. How your eyes have been opened, even more, to see these precious women as His children. That alone will bring more healing. I’m saying a prayer for you and for Tim. How are those precious babies?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s