I’m a RUNNER! Sorta….

So, I just completed my third 5K!

I have a hard time calling myself a runner, though!  I walk/job the 5K!  I mean, really, I NEED this t-shirt:

My sister and I have done The Color Run two years in a row and also this year did The Electric Run!

SO MUCH FUN!!

SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!

Doing these 5Ks has gotten me exercising and running, so that’s good!

But we’ve always done them for fun, just for our own enjoyment.

We decided it was time to do a 5K to HELP someone…AND have fun!  🙂

So, September 14 we are doing a 5K Walk for Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin.  You probably remember that Adara and I spent one month there when she needed her open heart surgery at 10 weeks old.  We made some wonderful friends there who also have a heart baby, so our team name is the Zipper Babies in honor of Adara and Cecily.

I would be honored if you would help us raise money so this hospital can continue to help so many children and their families.  We were taken care of SO well there!  The nurses, doctors, staff all cared about us and made sure everything that needed to be done to care for Adara was being done and done well.

If you’d like to donate to the hospital via our team simply click HERE and you can donate right through the website.

I’ll post pictures of my cuties walking (or riding) in their first 5K afterwards!  🙂

So much weight

I’m in a “messy head space” kinda way these days.  My best defense is usually to write it out, so I hope you will excuse me while I “vomit” out on the keyboard for a moment.

One year ago this month we were in the hospital with Adara for her heart problems.  We were admitted April 7 and discharged May 7 with her surgery being April 25.  I’m thankful BEYOND WORDS for how God chose to heal her and how well she is doing now!  But this time still takes me back to those days in my memory and I feel the weight of those days.  Being torn between my two precious kids, living at the hospital watching Adara struggle to gain weight, missing Caleb and his hugs, hearing about his day, his sweet smiles.  I’m just so thankful for where this year has taken Adara and her health!

Three years ago I had to close Veritas.  I don’t know why, but this hit me really hard while I was sitting at church yesterday.  Nothing brought it up at all, it just fell on me like a ton of bricks.  I miss so much of “my old life” sometimes.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being able to be home with my kids.  It’s just that I feel like I’m not living out my calling.  I do believe I am called by God to be these kids’ mom and to take care of their (many) needs.  But I just have this nagging feeling that there’s more.

Caleb is going to (finally) go through all the evaluation at school to be able to get help at school for his SPD.  We’ve been waiting for this all school year.  Through their evaluations they should (hopefully) also be able to see if anything else is going on with him.  This will get everything set up for next year so he can get whatever he needs at school to be most successful.  He really is smart – he’s already been reading at a first grade level and doing so well with math!  He just has so many struggles with focusing, social issues, etc. due to his SPD.  While I am SO glad this is finally getting in order at school, it’s hard.  It’s like it makes it more real somehow.  I just so want him to be happy and successful at school, so I’m glad it’s happening.  I just wish there was no need for it.  It’s hard as a mom to see your child struggle.  It just breaks my heart sometimes.

I’ve really bee struggling off and on with the affair lately.  Again, nothing really triggers it, it just happens sometimes.  Tim’s work schedule is REALLY crazy right now.  They have a SUPER busy month so he literally isn’t home very much.  And when he is home he is so wiped out and preoccupied with work (his job requires that he be on call 24/7 so he gets lots of texts, emails and phone calls) that there isn’t really any time for “us”.  Things that we need to work on are just going to have to wait until next month.  And that’s not the end of the world, it’s just that I feel kinda lonely in the meantime.

There are times I just wish God would sit on the couch with me and chat.  I’d love a few good hugs too!  I wish I could just talk all this out with Him and hear His answers to why and what do I do now?  I’ll do it, just tell me what You want me to do.  I want that “big picture” He sees so clearly, not this tiny view I have.

At church yesterday the pastor was talking about a tough budget meeting they were going to have after church and explained that there are people with the gift of faith who just want to make more room for God to work….and there are those who are more into looking at the numbers and making everything balance properly.  And both are needed!

Well, I think I have that gift of faith.  At least most of the time.  I still have faith that God is going to work all this out and will be with me each moment of each day.  I’m thankful for that.  I just wish this could all be worked out.  Or to at least have the plan laid out in front of me!

But, I guess if I had the plan laid out in front of me, that wouldn’t require faith then, huh??

364 Days

It’s hard to believe.  It’s bittersweet.  This can’t be true!

TOMORROW MY BABY TURNS ONE YEAR OLD!

It’s been quite a year.  Any child’s first year is amazing.  It’s filled with so many milestones and firsts….rolling over, crawling, first teeth, first smiles and giggles, first words, first holidays, first steps.

Adara’s first year included all that and more!

It’s hard to believe this little cutie who is walking all over was once practically confined to a hospital bed for one whole month.  She never sits still now, but not all that long ago she had so many wires and tubes hooked up to her it was hard to just pick her up out of her bed and hold her.

BUT…..

God was so good to us!  He used amazing doctors and nurses, surgeons and friends and family to heal her!  Since her open heart surgery at 10 weeks old she is gaining weight (she’s a chubby little thing!), walking, babbling, her gross motor skills are ahead of her age, and she is just a beautiful delight to everyone who meets her!

This year has been exhausting for me!  She was born at 12:07am after being in labor for 16 hours.  SO, I started out this year WAY behind in rest!  And, she STILL does not sleep through the night!  But, I suppose one day (WAAAAAY down the road) I will miss the middle of the night snuggles.  MAYBE.  (But probably not!  😉

She is such a joy to have in our family!  Caleb is such an amazing big brother!  The love between them is so special.  I was very worried about him adjusting to not being the center of everything, but he has embraced his sister like I never dreamed possible.  Sure, they have their spats (toys are still a point of contention!), but he really, truly, genuinely and sweetly loves his baby sister!

And her daddy….well, she had him wrapped around her tiny finger since the moment we found out we were having a girl!  REALLY!  He just lights up when she’s around.  She is a daddy’s girl for sure!

How do you put into words what a child means to you?  I love her so much.  She can drive me crazy sometimes, but gosh I love her SO much!  Her smile just melts my heart.  I can’t see her smile and not smile back right away!  She is a happy, curious, active, sweet little fighter!  She loves people, loves her family, and is loved back by so many.

Happy birthday my sweet baby girl! You are SO special!  I love you so very, very much!

It’s been almost 4 months???

Almost 4 months since my last blog post??  That’s just terrible!!

I miss it….but there just is simply NO TIME!  If I’m not taking care of a kid or cleaning something I want to be SLEEPING!  😉

So much has gone on in 4 months.  I’ve had numerous blog post ideas in my brain, but never a chance to get them out.  And now I think they are lost.  Cuz I can’t think of one of them!

Adara is doing well.  She is going to be SIX MONTHS OLD in 6 days!!  She is gaining weight since her surgery.  She is still on the small side, but gaining, so that’s good!  At her 4 month appointment she was 22nd percentile for weight and 90th percentile for height!  We’ve been battling a stomach bug between Caleb and her (and I think I got a touch of it), and she has a cough that we are fighting, but overall she has been doing well.  We still have a physical therapist working with her to help her gain strength in her upper body.  She is a bit behind in some of her development, but ahead in other areas.  She also is a bit behind in her talking, so we might need to start speech therapy, but we need to wait a bit and see how she does with that.

Caleb is a challenging sweetheart!  He loves his sister SO much!  He is going to be FIVE YEARS OLD in 2 days!!  How is that even possible?!?!?!  Summer school is over now.  In one short month he will be going to ALL DAY 5 DAYS PER WEEK KINDERGARTEN!!!  I literally have to fight back the tears every time I think about it!  How is it possible that someone else will be spending ALL day with him??  What if the kids are mean to him?  What if HE is mean to THEM??  What if….  There’s just too much.  That is enough for another post!

I signed up to do a 5K!!  Now, I have never run in my life!  I don’t believe in running.  But this one just looked like TOO much fun!  And my sister is doing it with me, so I have accountability.  It’s called The Color Run.  At each K they throw a different color powder on you so at the end you are covered in color!  I’ve been using a “Couch to 5K” app and “training” three days per week.  I’m on week 6 now.  I don’t run fast, or pretty….it’s usually more like panting and shuffling, but it’s a big deal for me!

I’m still struggling with postpartum depression.  It’s been pretty hard.  I am going to counseling again.  The exercise helps a little.  My relationship with God is in the dumps because of not having time and energy to read, pray much, do anything much other than what I HAVE to do.  I try to remember to take time to be thankful.  To thank God for the many blessings He has given me to try to change my mood and mindset.  But, man, it’s so much easier for those dang negative thoughts to take root and cozy right on in my brain!  I hate that!

Well, my time is up.  I had a little bit of time to work this morning, but I have to get home so Tim can get to work.

Hopefully I can get on here again soon!  Like, not in 4 months!!  🙂

 

Day 6 in the hospital

I have not been writing her very much lately because we were admitted to the hospital almost a week ago.  We went in for a weight check for Adara and since she didn’t gain weight they decided on the spot to admit her.  We were NOT expecting that!

So, I have set up a Caring Bridge website for Adara to keep everyone updated on her progress.  I will probably only be writing over there for the most part for a while.  If you’d like to stay updated you can check that out.

Thanks!!