I’m a RUNNER! Sorta….

So, I just completed my third 5K!

I have a hard time calling myself a runner, though!  I walk/job the 5K!  I mean, really, I NEED this t-shirt:


My sister and I have done The Color Run two years in a row and also this year did The Electric Run!












Doing these 5Ks has gotten me exercising and running, so that’s good!

But we’ve always done them for fun, just for our own enjoyment.

We decided it was time to do a 5K to HELP someone…AND have fun!  🙂

So, September 14 we are doing a 5K Walk for Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin.  You probably remember that Adara and I spent one month there when she needed her open heart surgery at 10 weeks old.  We made some wonderful friends there who also have a heart baby, so our team name is the Zipper Babies in honor of Adara and Cecily.

I would be honored if you would help us raise money so this hospital can continue to help so many children and their families.  We were taken care of SO well there!  The nurses, doctors, staff all cared about us and made sure everything that needed to be done to care for Adara was being done and done well.

If you’d like to donate to the hospital via our team simply click HERE and you can donate right through the website.

I’ll post pictures of my cuties walking (or riding) in their first 5K afterwards!  🙂

I am a Color Runner!

In my last post I was talking about how excited I was for the Color Run.

Well, I did it!!!  And it was a BLAST!!

I walked much more than I would have liked, but I did the whole thing.  See, while I was “training” at home I was running on all flat surfaces.  Miller Park has lots of hills!  This was something I was not expecting or prepared for.  So I walked all the hills!

Next year…..next year I will RUN the WHOLE thing!  I’m going to start training NOW for next year!  🙂

We had so much fun!  My sister and her friend ran it with me.  They are in great shape and at least 100 pounds LIGHTER than me, so I encouraged them to run ahead of me and I’d meet them at the finish line!  But we did the first 3K together – they were great sports and just wanted us to have fun together.

Wendy, Jeni and I all clean and white!


My sister and I painted our nails the night before to get into the spirit!


We also decorated her Jeep with colored ribbons!


After the run and Finish Line Festival. Every 15 minutes there is a big color throw. MORE color! It was fantastic!


This baby is getting framed!


Oh yea! That’s a lot of color!


This is how the parking lot looked the NEXT DAY! AFTER being cleaned up! I LOVE it!!

All in all a FANTABULOUS experience!  My mom even got in on the fun!  She was throwing color at the 3K marker!

We can’t wait until next year!!









Lightening it up….

I have been so wonderfully overwhelmed by comments, messages and emails about my last blog post Lost.  I am not alone!  WE are not alone.  I have some ideas brewing about follow up to that, but tonight I am way too tired to formulate those ideas into what I want them to be, so…….

Let’s lighten it up just a bit!

I’m doing a 5K in ONE WEEK!!  The Color Run!!

At each K they throw a new color powder on you!  So, by the end, you are a beautiful, crazy rainbow of color!  How fun does that sound?????


I saw this on facebook in June.  I sent the info to my sister because I knew it was something she would love.  I was tempted to do it, but needed a push.

See, I DO NOT RUN!!! I have never run!!!  Even in gym in school, this girl, right here, did NOT run.  I don’t believe in running!  I thought people who voluntarily ran for exercise or ENJOYMENT {shudder} had a couple of screws loose!

That was 8 weeks ago.

My sister was determined to do it, with or without anyone else.  Ya know how I said I was interested but needed a push?  Well, I wasn’t going to let her have all the fun!

So, we registered!

And then I freaked!!

You don’t HAVE to run this.  This 5K is all about silly, crazy fun.  But I didn’t want to just drag along for 3 miles and take forever to do it.

If I decide to do something, I’m going to DO IT!

So I downloaded the “Couch to 5K” app and started “training”!  It breaks up your time into running and walking intervals.  I could not even do all the running intervals the first couple days!  I COULD NOT RUN FOR ONE MINUTE!!!


I am so in awe that I am doing this!

I will even say…….{GULP!}……..that I look forward to running!!!


I actually did!

It’s great stress relief, it’s a little time to myself a couple times per week, and it’s changing my body in good ways!  And it’s given me some time to pray and convince myself that God is still with me when I’m wheezing, dripping, and my legs feel like they just can’t move one more step.  God has helped me to take one more step, and another, and another….until that beautiful voice on my app says, “Slow down and walk”!

I’ve tried to use that analogy in my daily life too.  “God is with me.  I can take another step toward/for/in……..  Keep going!  Don’t stop yet.  That voice to rest IS coming, but for now, God, help me take another step!”

I’m going to keep running after this is over!

And one week from tonight I will be covered in glorious colored powder and will have CONQUERED a 5K!  Some will be run, some WILL be walked, but I will FINISH!  And it will be a BLAST!


I’ve said before that blogging helps to sort things out in my head.  To clear the fog a little sometimes.  To weed through the gook.

I feel gooky.  I’m not sure if I’ll even publish this.  But I need to sort things out I suppose.

I don’t know where my life is going.  Have you ever felt that way?

Kinda lost.


Wandering without a clear direction.

That pretty much describes how I’ve been feeling for quite some time now.

When my “career” sort of ended with Tim’s affair I was ok to take some time off.  To take time to heal, get my feet back under me, work on our marriage and figure out where to go from here.

That was over 2 years ago now and I still don’t know what direction to head in.

Obviously I’m a mom.  And that is a HUGE job!  HUUUUUUUGE!!!!!  I am SO thankful I can be home with them in these young years and not have to worry about trying to ask for time off from a job for all of Adara’s doctor’s appointments, missing work or having to quit a job for her surgery, etc.  Gosh, I can’t even imagine what life would have been like if I had had a job during all her appointments and surgery in those first few months.  God was SO gracious to give me that time with both of the kids and to be able to focus on her needs!

But I can’t help but shake this nagging feeling that I have something more.  That I should be doing something else too.

It’s no secret I still miss Veritas.  I still miss working in ministry.  I miss being around people.  I miss pouring into people.  I miss creatively communicating God’s message.  I miss wrestling with verses in the Bible as Tim and I discuss topics and messages.  Debating what they mean, what God is trying to tell us, verses that seemingly contradict other parts of the Bible and wrestling with those questions so we can be more prepared (never having all the answers!) to teach those messages and wrestle those issues with people at church.  There are a lot of things I miss…..

Being a stay at home mom is very isolating.  I keep telling myself if we ever get to move I am going to make sure and LOVE that house because those walls are all I get to see most days!  Sure, I get to go to doctor’s appointments, the grocery store, Target, but those are not “life giving” places to go for me!  I don’t have much contact with other adults.  And if I do, our conversations are interrupted every 5.5 seconds by a little person.  So, needless to say, not much significant conversating happens!  😉

I miss getting in the trenches with people.  Trudging through the muck with them.  Celebrating with them when they’re victorious.  Listening.  Praying.

Right now about the most time I have for conversations is a text.  And even those are often times written in a few sittings because I can’t get a WHOLE text written without interruption!  You can forget a phone conversation!  (C’mom moms, you know what I’m talking about, right?!?!)

I’ve been told….”this is just for a season.”

But is it?

How do I know?

And how do I squelch this nagging gnawing in my gut?

Our church is great.  The pastors are so caring.  They seek God so whole-heartedly.  There are great people who go there.

But, for me, the services are dry.  So dry.

I CRAVE artistic expression.  Color.  Sound.  Smell.  Drama.  Video.  Creative reading.  Stories.  Creative interaction with the message.  ANYTHING.

And we just don’t have that.  And they are NOT wrong for not having that.  They prefer a much simpler kind of church.  Let’s teach the Bible and worship through music and pray and be in community.  That’s what they stand for.  And that is NOT wrong.

I just NEED the creative expression of God too.  My heart needs to be touched, not just my head.

And I wonder if I will ever be able to do that again.  It’s hard to accept that I may not.  That perhaps my time in ministry in the capacity I was in is over for good.

I wonder why God would taunt me with that.  Why would He fill my heart so full as I served Him only to let someone else’s choices take that away and never give it back?

Or maybe something is wrong with ME!  Maybe it’s not Tim’s affair that took me away and has kept me away.  Maybe it’s solely my own fault that God is choosing to not use me.  Maybe it’s just easier to blame Tim and not take ownership for my own failings.

I wish I could just let it go.  I need to ask God to let me be fulfilled in the role of “mom” that He has given me now.  I need to be happy being at home and ask Him to show me how I can serve Him HERE.  I need to stop looking out and wanting more.

It’s ok if you don’t comment.  I’m not looking for Christian platitudes.  No cliches are necessary.  I’ve told them all to myself already.  I think I just needed to get this out of my head.

If you feel a little lost in life, let me know.  Let’s be in community together.  If we’re lost together, we can hold one another’s hand and navigate the windy roads together.  Sure, we may take a wrong turn.  We may have to back track a bit.  But that’s ok.  It’s all part of the journey.  And if we do it together, maybe we won’t feel so much “lost” as “on an adventure without a map”.  That sounds better, huh??  🙂

It’s been almost 4 months???

Almost 4 months since my last blog post??  That’s just terrible!!

I miss it….but there just is simply NO TIME!  If I’m not taking care of a kid or cleaning something I want to be SLEEPING!  😉

So much has gone on in 4 months.  I’ve had numerous blog post ideas in my brain, but never a chance to get them out.  And now I think they are lost.  Cuz I can’t think of one of them!

Adara is doing well.  She is going to be SIX MONTHS OLD in 6 days!!  She is gaining weight since her surgery.  She is still on the small side, but gaining, so that’s good!  At her 4 month appointment she was 22nd percentile for weight and 90th percentile for height!  We’ve been battling a stomach bug between Caleb and her (and I think I got a touch of it), and she has a cough that we are fighting, but overall she has been doing well.  We still have a physical therapist working with her to help her gain strength in her upper body.  She is a bit behind in some of her development, but ahead in other areas.  She also is a bit behind in her talking, so we might need to start speech therapy, but we need to wait a bit and see how she does with that.

Caleb is a challenging sweetheart!  He loves his sister SO much!  He is going to be FIVE YEARS OLD in 2 days!!  How is that even possible?!?!?!  Summer school is over now.  In one short month he will be going to ALL DAY 5 DAYS PER WEEK KINDERGARTEN!!!  I literally have to fight back the tears every time I think about it!  How is it possible that someone else will be spending ALL day with him??  What if the kids are mean to him?  What if HE is mean to THEM??  What if….  There’s just too much.  That is enough for another post!

I signed up to do a 5K!!  Now, I have never run in my life!  I don’t believe in running.  But this one just looked like TOO much fun!  And my sister is doing it with me, so I have accountability.  It’s called The Color Run.  At each K they throw a different color powder on you so at the end you are covered in color!  I’ve been using a “Couch to 5K” app and “training” three days per week.  I’m on week 6 now.  I don’t run fast, or pretty….it’s usually more like panting and shuffling, but it’s a big deal for me!

I’m still struggling with postpartum depression.  It’s been pretty hard.  I am going to counseling again.  The exercise helps a little.  My relationship with God is in the dumps because of not having time and energy to read, pray much, do anything much other than what I HAVE to do.  I try to remember to take time to be thankful.  To thank God for the many blessings He has given me to try to change my mood and mindset.  But, man, it’s so much easier for those dang negative thoughts to take root and cozy right on in my brain!  I hate that!

Well, my time is up.  I had a little bit of time to work this morning, but I have to get home so Tim can get to work.

Hopefully I can get on here again soon!  Like, not in 4 months!!  🙂